I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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