my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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