If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
