I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
