i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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