im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
