i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
