i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
