Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
