You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
