It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
