What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
