There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
