just come out here and I will go home with you...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
