I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
