: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
