it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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