I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
