it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
