heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
