I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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