She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
