dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
