I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
