took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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