I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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