I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
