What a fucking waste of an outfit
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
