I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
