Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
