Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
