Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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