Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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