I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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