i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you would pick up someone in the library
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
