He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
