Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i will never coherently bang her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
