you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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