I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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