I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
