I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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