I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize