Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
