I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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