Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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