Well apparently he's into motor boating.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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