Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
