How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
