alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
