Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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