We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cut my penus on the lid.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
