He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
