It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
