dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
When are your genitals available?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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