just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
