No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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