apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
