if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
