Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
