Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
