am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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