A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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