They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
