so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
