My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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