May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
