my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize