Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
