Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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