so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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