He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
