What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
