i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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