the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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