I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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