I just cut my nipple shaving
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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