Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize