At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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