1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
