Please, let me fuck your mom
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
