i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
