tell your sister to shave her snatch
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
