he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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