So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
