remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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